Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Rollercoaster

Sweat crept slowly down my back as I wait in line on a boiling summer day. As the previous ride came in I felt a sick feeling of excitement mixed with nervouseness in my stomach. Flip flop, flip flop, flip flop, I walk gingerly over to the back carriage- the only available one. The scariest, most bumpy, most terrifying section of the whole rollercoaster! Clang! The metal bar come down just above my knees. Whoosh, the ride pulls away edging slowly along the first bit of track like a snail. The snake of carriages pullls its self up the hill of tracks. I hear ear-splitting screams coming from the front of the line, and before I can realize what's happening, the ground is pulled out from underneath me and I'm FALLING!!! But only for three seconds, before the line of carriages bends violently like a car doing a tight U-turn. My hair is being blown around wildly by the wind, and my cheeks sting from my hair whipping them at every chance. After another few stomach turning drops, and tight turns that made you wish you hadn't had two chocolate bars after lunch, the carriages jolted to a stop, and I had a few seconds to finally catch my breath( and maybe grab a Strepsil from all that screaming!)

2 comments:

Sami said...

I thought that was great usage ofsounds like Zooom and Crash. It gave it a real feel towards the ride. I seriously loved your work. Good Job! You might want to use smells like smells of food of puke to make it more real but it was great witout it. Keep it up!

Lilli said...

You did a great job describing how you felt and how the carriage was moving... I also thought that you used great vivid verbs and adjectives.
You could add some more hyperbole and sounds like boom and ahhh...
good job!